Be the Greatest Defender of Your Spouse's Potential

Some time after their marriage, Bishop Caussé asked Valérie how she could have possibly fallen in love with such an unattractive man. She didn't deny his self-description. She simply answered, "I saw your potential."

Bishop Gérald Caussé stood before thousands of BYU-Idaho students in November 2023 and did something unexpected. He pulled up an old photo of himself from 39 years ago. Wide glasses. Awkward smile. White polo. The audience laughed. "I don't know quite how to best describe myself," he said. "Let's just say that I was not the most social person in the world. I was kind of a nerd, to say the truth."

Nick and Alex Leyva host the Epic Marriage Podcast, where they bring together researchers, family scientists, therapists, and couples who have built marriages that last. Nick studied at BYU's School of Family Life, ranked as the top family science program in the world, while Alex brings the lived experience of a wife and mother raising five children alongside her husband. Together, they explore what decades of academic research and modern revelation teach about covenant relationships. In this episode, they unpack Bishop Caussé's devotional "I Saw Your Potential," which tells the story of how he met his wife Valérie in a young single adult ward in Paris. He spent most of his time studying and serving as a ward clerk behind closed doors. Valérie, the bishop's daughter, kept sneaking her head into the clerk's office to say hello and catch his attention. They started dating and married in the temple two years later.

When You Can't Put It Into Words  

Alex relates to this story deeply. When she and Nick were dating, she couldn't articulate what she saw in him. He hadn't figured out his major. He changed it six times. He didn't have everything together. But Heavenly Father gave her a feeling about his potential that she couldn't put into words. That created frustration when people wanted answers. Why are you not going on a mission anymore? Who is this guy? What does he even do? Alex kept saying, "I don't know, but this is what I choose because of this feeling." Sometimes it's easier to see someone else's potential before you see your own. Bishop Caussé draws this principle out through the story of Moses, who encounters God face to face. The Lord addresses him immediately with his identity: "Moses, my son, in whom I am well pleased."

God doesn't call him Moses the murderer. Moses the runaway Egyptian. Moses the dirt. He calls him "my son" and says He's pleased with him. Nick shares that this story changed his perspective when Professor Larry Nelson at BYU talked about individual identity. The Lord has given Nick opportunities to feel that same message personally. "Nick, even though you are imperfect and you think you're doing a bad job at a lot of things, I'm pleased with you." Alex admits she never related to Moses that way. She always thought "that's so cool for Moses" without considering it could apply to her as a daughter of God. That realization hit hard.

Satan Always Attacks After Spiritual Highs  

Bishop Caussé points out what happens immediately after Moses's encounter with God. Satan shows up and addresses Moses almost the same way, but with one critical difference: "Moses, thou son of man." Instead of "my son," Satan lowers his status from divine child to weak mortal. The adversary always does this after spiritual experiences. You come off a spiritual high, and guaranteed, Satan will show up to make you feel like a loser.

This happens individually and as couples. When you experience something awesome together, just wait. Something irritating will try to create division. That's why Alex issues a challenge that becomes the theme of the entire episode: Be the greatest defender of your spouse's potential. Not the destroyer. The defender. If you're the greatest destroyer of who your spouse was, who they came here to be, and who they're going to become, good luck building an eternal marriage. But if you're the greatest defender, especially when you want to be by their side for eternity, everything changes.

Young, Immature, and Inexperienced  

Bishop Caussé describes performing sealings for young couples in the temple. They often seem quite young, maybe a little immature, and at the very least inexperienced. But as the sealing ordinance words are spoken, he suddenly sees them differently. A glorious vision unfolds filled with promises. He quotes Doctrine and Covenants: "They shall pass by the angels and the gods to their exaltation and glory in all things. Then shall they be gods because they have all power." Alex served as a living ordinance coordinator in the Provo temple, taking care of weddings every Friday morning. She relates to Bishop Caussé's perspective. Some brides looked so young that temple workers literally asked, "Are you 13?" But as the sealing words were spoken, you realized these couples were at the right place, at the right time, with the right person.

The sealing ordinance isn't just marriage. It's endowment with power to become kings and queens in God's eyes. That matters in a world questioning the importance and validity of marriage. People say it's just a paper, just a way for the government to control you. But marriage was created to seal men and women up and help them become exalted beings. Dr. Chelom Leavitt, who appeared on a previous episode, talked about marriage as a developmental construct. It helps you develop into something more. That's exactly what Bishop Caussé describes.

Tremendous Faith Required  

Bishop Caussé doesn't mince words about what successful eternal marriage requires: tremendous faith. Faith in your own potential. Faith in your spouse's potential. Faith in the institution of marriage and the eternal marriage covenant. And most importantly, faith in the Heavenly Father and the atoning power of Jesus Christ. That multifaceted faith changes how you live in your marriage. It gives you courage to move forward and persevere. Strength to overcome trials and disagreements that will surely come. A repenting and forgiving spirit is necessary to overcome respective shortcomings.

The transformation promised in temple sealings requires faith because you're believing you can go from imperfect mortal to exalted being. You see all your spouse's imperfections. They see all yours. You live together in the midst of them. Yet you have to believe the transformation is possible. Bishop Caussé adds that without Christ's atonement, capacity for progression remains limited. But when you rely upon the Lord and His atonement, your potential for progression knows no limits. The redemptive power and enabling grace of the Savior's atonement makes transformation possible.

The Sock Problem and Other Real Issues  

Nick admits he doesn't take correction easily. He's stubborn. He likes to think he's right most of the time. When Alex gets mad about socks left around (and there's literally a pair visible during the recording), does harsh nagging make him want to change? No. But when Alex comes gently and says, "hey, this is bothering me and here's why, can we figure out a way to change it?" Nick doesn't shut her down. He responds better to gentleness than harshness.

The same applies in reverse. When Nick gets frustrated with Alex's parenting style (she runs a tight ship, he's more lenient), barking orders in stressful moments never helps. But when he comes to her and says, "I see you're overstimulated, and the kids aren't going to respond to that approach, how can I be on your team?" everything changes. Nick constantly reminds Alex "we're on the same team." When conflicts arise and it feels like they're on opposing sides, that reminder shifts the dynamic. They're not competing. They're partnering.

You Can Do It  

Bishop Caussé closes his devotional by playing Mozart on the piano, demonstrating his mastery after saying "let me try." He shares that the teacher who helped him become an incredible pianist was loving and kind, not cynical and degrading. We're all Mozarts in the making. You're not your spouse's teacher, but you're constantly learning from each other. If you're the cynical, degrading kind of companion, you won't help your spouse rise to their fullest potential. But if you're uplifting and kind, exercising tremendous faith and repentance when you fall short, transformation happens.

The Leyvas close with a challenge. If you haven't experienced seeing your spouse's potential, pray for it. Journal about it. Ask God to show you how He sees them. That experience will change everything about your relationship. Be the greatest defender of your spouse's potential. Remember who they came from. Remember where they're going. And have tremendous faith that Christ's atonement makes transformation possible.

Listen to the full episode on the Epic Marriage Podcast. Visit YourEpicMarriage.com for resources designed specifically for temple-sealed couples who want their relationship to reflect the eternal significance it carries.

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