Improve Your Sexual Relationship and Teach Your Kids About Healthy Sexuality

Most parents desperately want to do a good job teaching their children about sexuality. They just have no idea how to start.

Nick and Alex Leyva host the Epic Marriage Podcast, where they bring together researchers, family scientists, therapists, and couples who have built marriages that last. Nick studied at BYU's School of Family Life, ranked as the top family science program in the world, while Alex brings the lived experience of a wife and mother raising five children alongside her husband. Together, they explore what decades of academic research and modern revelation teach about covenant relationships.

In this episode, they sit down with Dr. Chelom Leavitt, a leading sex researcher at BYU, to discuss why parents must reclaim their role as the primary sex educators for their children. Dr. Leavitt explains that when parents abdicate this responsibility due to awkwardness or lack of vocabulary, children turn to the two worst possible sources for information: their peers and the internet. The conversation provides practical guidance on starting these conversations from birth, using correct terminology, avoiding shame, and transforming the law of chastity into positive guidelines instead of prohibitions.

Teaching Starts at Birth  

When Dr. Leavitt tells parents that teaching about sexuality begins the moment children are born, many react with confusion. How can you possibly teach an infant about sex? The answer lies in understanding that every interaction with your child's body communicates messages about how they should view themselves.

How you treat their body during diaper changes matters. When you change a diaper, are you disgusted and just tolerating the mess until it is clean? Or are you communicating that you are happy to help them keep their body clean, that their body is amazing, and that you hope they appreciate how it heals on its own and functions in such intricate ways? Those seemingly small moments lay the foundation for how children see their own bodies. They begin to understand that they should have control over their body, that they need to be disciplined, and that they need to honor and respect both their own body and the bodies of others.

When toddlers learn about different body parts and proudly announce they have discovered their elbow, their shoulder, or their knee, that same enthusiasm should extend to learning about their genitals. But research shows that bath time—when children naturally notice and touch their genitals—often becomes the first moment parents communicate shame about the body. A parent might slap their child's hand away and say it is dirty or inappropriate to touch there. But those body parts are not dirty. They are meaningful, important parts of who that child is. Instead of shaming, parents can simply say that is your penis or that is your vulva, and we are going to make sure we respect it and keep it covered because it is a sacred part of who you are.

The Power of Correct Terminology  

Using proper anatomical names for body parts from the very beginning actually increases children's self-esteem. When parents use correct terminology—penis, vulva, vagina—children feel empowered that they know about their bodies. There are no made-up names creating confusion or suggesting that something shameful requires a code word.

One of Dr. Leavitt's students shared that their parents referred to all genitals as "the nether region." That term communicates nothing. It provides no information. It suggests that this area of the body is so problematic that it cannot even be named directly. That sends a message to children that something about these body parts is fundamentally wrong or embarrassing.

The emotions that get laid down alongside information create pathways that last into adulthood. If talking about genitals and sexuality happens next to fear and shame, those emotions stay connected for life. It takes significant work to reprogram those associations. But if those same conversations happen next to joy, celebration, wonder, and curiosity, children develop healthy, positive relationships with their bodies that serve them well in marriage. Parents are literally shaping not just knowledge but the emotional framework their children will carry into their adult relationships.

Countering Satan's First Commandment  

Nick connects this conversation to the story of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. As soon as they realize they are naked, they feel shame. Who makes them feel ashamed? Satan. His first commandment to them is to hide, to be embarrassed, to feel ashamed about their bodies.

Parents have the extraordinary privilege of countering that message from day one. Children will encounter shame about their bodies at some point, but it does not have to come from their parents. Satan will try to destroy their image of who they are and what they can become. He will try to destroy their ability to create, which is the only godly power humans possess. But parents can stand as a positive force, teaching children that their bodies are a divine gift, that their sexuality is a sacred power to be protected and wielded with dignity because that is how their Heavenly Parents designed it.

This is not just about preventing problems. This is about equipping children to understand one of the greatest similarities they share with God—the power to create life. When parents approach sexuality with reverence instead of fear, children learn to see themselves as bearers of divine potential rather than carriers of something shameful.

Transforming the Law of Chastity  

Many parents struggle with how to present the law of chastity without it sounding like an endless list of prohibitions. Dr. Leavitt offers a transformative approach: every single prohibition can be turned into a positive guideline.

Instead of saying we do not have sex before marriage, parents can say that sex is such a beautiful and potent element in our lives that we want to express it with someone who is completely committed to us. We wait until marriage to share our sexuality with another person because sex is so valuable that it deserves the safest, most committed environment possible. Research actually shows that people who wait until marriage report higher sexual satisfaction, higher relational satisfaction, more commitment, and better communication. Why? Because they developed other areas of their relationship instead of relying primarily on physical pleasure and sex. They learned how to communicate about all sorts of topics, how to negotiate conflict, and how to build intimacy in multiple dimensions before adding sexuality into the mix.

This reframing changes everything. The law of chastity is not God restricting something good from His children. It is a loving Heavenly Father providing guidelines for how to use our sexuality so that we can have the most enjoyment, success, and happiness possible. He designed our bodies, and He knows that the environment where sexuality flourishes best is marriage, where two people are completely devoted to each other.

It Is Never Too Early and Never Too Late  

Dr. Leavitt shares a story about teaching at a conference where a 60-year-old woman attended with her 40-year-old daughter. During the session on talking to children about sexuality, the mother turned to her daughter and admitted she had completely failed in this area. After the conference, Dr. Leavitt encouraged them that it was not too late even now to have loving, intimate conversations about how they navigated this topic and how they could do better going forward.

This message applies to every parent. Maybe you have toddlers and you are just beginning this journey. You can start today with positive language about their bodies and correct terminology. Maybe you have teenagers and you never started these conversations. You can bridge that gap by acknowledging the silence, admitting your own awkwardness, and committing to becoming a safe person they can come to with any question. Maybe your children are grown adults navigating pregnancy, postpartum, or marriage. You can still offer wisdom, support, and guidance because they have never been 30 or 40 or 50, but you have.

Parents who create open environments around sexuality raise children who are far more likely to adopt their family's values on this topic. When sexuality remains awkward, uncomfortable, and shrouded in silence, children are left without an anchor. They have to figure it out on their own, and they often develop values and behavioral patterns that differ from what their parents hoped for.

Becoming Transitional Characters  

Nick and Alex emphasize that Epic Marriage is not about pride or having the coolest marriage ever. It is about chasing an ideal and inviting everyone into that pursuit. Parents can become transitional characters who break the chain of misinformation, shame, and silence that has plagued previous generations. You can be the one who says we are not doing this anymore. We are lifting our marriage and our parenting to a higher standard than we have seen.

That work begins with valuing what your children need more than your own comfort. It continues with practicing conversations with your spouse before having them with your kids. It grows as you use correct terminology, speak positively about bodies, and transform prohibitions into positive guidelines. And it creates a legacy when your children grow up knowing that sexuality is a divine gift, that their bodies are sacred, and that they can come to you with any question without fear of shame.

Listen to the full conversation with Dr. Chelom Leavitt on the Epic Marriage Podcast. Visit YourEpicMarriage.com for resources designed specifically for temple-sealed couples who want their relationship to reflect the eternal significance it carries.

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