Let Him: The Marriage That Got Stronger When They Stopped Steering

Ben Kjar spent his entire life in the driver’s seat. Hands on the wheel. Pedal to the metal. Complete control over every outcome. That mindset made him Utah Valley University’s first All-American wrestler.

Epic Marriage Podcast hosts Nick Leyva and Alex Leyva bring together researchers, family scientists, therapists, and couples who have built marriages that last. Nick studied at BYU School of Family Life, ranked among the top family science programs in the world, while Alex brings the lived experience of a wife and mother raising five children alongside her husband. Together, they explore what decades of academic research and modern revelation teach about covenant relationships.

In Part 2 of their conversation with Ben and LaCol Kjar, the discussion moves beyond the dramatic love story covered in Part 1 and into the deeper trials that refined their marriage. Ten years of infertility. A wrestler learning to surrender control. Two individual competitors discovering they could become more together than they ever were alone. This episode explores what happens when you stop grabbing the wheel and let God drive.

Ten Years in Waiting

LaCol shares their decade-long infertility journey with the kind of honesty that comes from having reached the other side of suffering. For years, they lived with tunnel vision. We will be happy when we have kids. Our lives will change when we have kids. Everything good seemed to exist on the other side of parenthood. The present felt like a waiting room. Then something shifted. One day, they sat together and experienced a complete change in perspective. They looked at each other and said the words that altered everything. We are good. We are happy right now. If we go the rest of our lives without children, that will still be an amazing life together.

LaCol explains that they realized many people never have children or never marry, yet still live full lives. She and Ben could fulfill the measure of their creation without parenthood. They could build a strong marriage, serve others, and express parental love in different ways. They could develop strengths normally forged through parenting by other means. After reaching that peace and fully surrendering the outcome to God, they were surprised with three children through adoption. Today, they have two six-year-olds and a five-year-old. The ten years of infertility became a source of strength rather than division. When challenges arise now, their foundation holds firm.

Nick connects their story to Abraham, who waited decades for Isaac while seeking priesthood, prosperity, and posterity. Ben and LaCol walked a similar Abrahamic path and found peace even sooner. Their foundation rests not on children, but on their shared relationship with God.

The Passenger Who Keeps Grabbing the Wheel

Ben chose wrestling because he hated team sports. In football, a receiver depends on the quarterback. Wrestling allowed total control. Every win and every loss belonged to him. No excuses. That mindset worked on the mat. It created problems in marriage. Ben admits he once heard Jesus Take the Wheel and thought it sounded nice but unrealistic. Eventually, he moved from the driver’s seat to the passenger seat. Progress. Except he kept reaching over and grabbing the wheel whenever God turned in a direction he did not like. Ben’s word for 2026 is Let Him. Two simple words that reflect a lifetime of resisting surrender. When he truly lets God drive, unexpected connections and opportunities appear. He has learned that while Christ needs no one, we often need each other. God will accomplish His purposes, but He works most powerfully through people willing to stop interfering.

When Individual Competitors Learn to Come Together

LaCol ran track at Utah Valley University. Individual sport. Your performance determined your results. Ben wrestled. Same principle. They both built their identities around being self-sufficient competitors who did not need anyone else to succeed. That worked well for winning medals. It created problems when building a marriage.

They had to learn how to accept and surrender control in their relationship. How to actually come together instead of just existing in parallel lanes. When they finally figured out how to become more together than they were individually, everything changed. Life became more magical. More epic. More than either of them could have created alone. But it required them surrendering the independence they had spent their entire athletic careers perfecting.

Alex relates to this deeply. She and Nick both came from competitive backgrounds. Learning to function as a team instead of as two individuals sharing space took years. The shift happens when you stop protecting your individuality and start building something bigger than both of you could accomplish separately. Ben and LaCol prove that the strongest marriages happen when two people who are fully capable of succeeding alone choose to succeed together instead. Not because they need each other to survive, but because they recognize they can become more together than they ever were apart.

Stand Out by Letting Go

The Kjar's story challenges every cultural message about control, independence, and self-sufficiency. Ben spent decades proving he could overcome any obstacle through sheer willpower and determination. He became an All-American wrestler by refusing to accept limitations. That same strength brought challenges to his marriage because he tried to control everything instead of surrendering outcomes to God.

Part 2 of their conversation reveals the deeper truth. Standing out does not just mean defying expectations and refusing to accept the ordinary. It also means learning when to let go. When to stop grabbing the wheel. When to let messengers stir the holy waters in your life even though the stirring feels uncomfortable. When to admit that becoming more together requires giving up the independence you worked so hard to protect.

The Kjar's journey is featured in Stand Out: The Ben Kjar Story, releasing in theaters January 23, 2026 through Angel Studios. The film captures not just the wrestling achievements but the deeper story of learning to let God drive. Early screenings have sold out across the country, with viewers comparing it favorably to The Greatest Showman for its acting, music, and life-changing message. Get tickets at standoutfilm.com.

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This is Part 2 of a two-episode series with Ben Kjar and LaCol Kjar. Listen to the full conversation on the Epic Marriage Podcast to hear how 10 years of infertility became their greatest marriage strength, why Ben's word for the year is "Let Him," and how two individual competitors learned to open up and become more together.

Watch their story in Stand Out: The Ben Kjar Story, releasing in theaters January 23, 2026 through Angel Studios. Get tickets at standoutfilm.com. Visit YourEpicMarriage.com for resources designed for temple-sealed couples building marriages that last.

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